Craving direction, strength and sanity, I've spent the past few weeks surrounding myself with those closest to my heart. A recent series of gatherings with friends from both my former and present life, has triggered a number of conversations which all began with the same topic, and resolved with various, valuable and considerable ending points. Being creatively blessed has fortunately alleviated the need to seek the advice of others as often as the average person may choose to. I've chosen to channel my emotions artistically, in fear that I'll plague those I love with my own internal woes. For the first time in my life I can't consider myself strong enough to just rely on my creativity. I feel extremely needy, and I'm finding that the only way to cope and reason is to talk out loud and candidly; admitting to myself, and those closest to me a year's worth of unspoken truths. It's the most human I've felt in a long time.
The art of psychology stems from addressing all the hard questions which are presented in life. As humans, our morals and perception of what is right and what is wrong will vary. Presented in various forms, we are an indubitably flawed species influenced by our upbringings, surroundings, and culture. Our fear of the unknown, comfortability, and guilt often override our need to seek the fulfillment we truly desire. What weighs heavy on our conscious is the lack of pride stemmed by worry, secrecy and sins.
Inevitably, some things are beyond our control. I find that there are two parts to every struggle; 1) The adversity and 2) identifying how to overcome it. Growing up, being tested would give me extreme anxiety. Somethings never change. However, what I recognize now that I didn't recognize in the past is the power of CHOICE. With choice stems a willingness for change, and COURAGE necessary to act upon your decisions.
Here's a fun fact: Three-banded Armadillo's inhabit Brazil and are one among twenty species of Armadillo's that can roll into a ball. They have poor vision, walk on their hind legs leaving only their front claws to touch the ground (Armadillo stilettos?) typically live in solitary, and bare a protective shell which in the event they are threatened by a strong jawed predator, they are spared being chewed or torn apart.
In my prime moment of vulnerability I washed off all my makeup and looked myself square in the swollen, glossy eyes of my reflection. One hundred percent broken, I cried with deep gasps of sorrow, and then cried harder a second time over how pitiful I looked, ashamed that the person veering back was me. Confronting myself in the mirror was among one of my greatest challenges. There it was, clear as day, unhappiness pouring out of my sockets. Raw, ugly, emotion descended from disappointment and failure. In my whole "Who the hell do you think you are?" moment with myself, I actually felt physically weak and hollow. That was two weeks ago. Last week I found myself emotionless, but able to think a bit more with clarity. Sometimes we need to humanely experience a moment of weakness in order to fully breathe in and exhale a full breath without a quiver.
I am a freaking Armadillo.
High heeled with poor vision, to one degree living solitary, baring a protective shell protecting what is fragile inside. Down the mountain I've tumbled, now faced with the decision to remain put or climb back to the top. Divulged in sadness, but passionate for change. Bruised and wounded, the scars will eventually fade. I'm eager to climb back to the top, and even more eager to venture to the side of the mountain I haven't yet explored.
Apparently, even the brave can lack courage. I believe that our primary responsibility should be to protect and to value the one life which we've been rewarded. Making bold choices and periodically backtracking to reroute and redefine are all just a part of the process. May happiness guide and may you be granted the strength to proceed along the path which you desire.
The art of psychology stems from addressing all the hard questions which are presented in life. As humans, our morals and perception of what is right and what is wrong will vary. Presented in various forms, we are an indubitably flawed species influenced by our upbringings, surroundings, and culture. Our fear of the unknown, comfortability, and guilt often override our need to seek the fulfillment we truly desire. What weighs heavy on our conscious is the lack of pride stemmed by worry, secrecy and sins.
Inevitably, some things are beyond our control. I find that there are two parts to every struggle; 1) The adversity and 2) identifying how to overcome it. Growing up, being tested would give me extreme anxiety. Somethings never change. However, what I recognize now that I didn't recognize in the past is the power of CHOICE. With choice stems a willingness for change, and COURAGE necessary to act upon your decisions.
Here's a fun fact: Three-banded Armadillo's inhabit Brazil and are one among twenty species of Armadillo's that can roll into a ball. They have poor vision, walk on their hind legs leaving only their front claws to touch the ground (Armadillo stilettos?) typically live in solitary, and bare a protective shell which in the event they are threatened by a strong jawed predator, they are spared being chewed or torn apart.
In my prime moment of vulnerability I washed off all my makeup and looked myself square in the swollen, glossy eyes of my reflection. One hundred percent broken, I cried with deep gasps of sorrow, and then cried harder a second time over how pitiful I looked, ashamed that the person veering back was me. Confronting myself in the mirror was among one of my greatest challenges. There it was, clear as day, unhappiness pouring out of my sockets. Raw, ugly, emotion descended from disappointment and failure. In my whole "Who the hell do you think you are?" moment with myself, I actually felt physically weak and hollow. That was two weeks ago. Last week I found myself emotionless, but able to think a bit more with clarity. Sometimes we need to humanely experience a moment of weakness in order to fully breathe in and exhale a full breath without a quiver.
I am a freaking Armadillo.
High heeled with poor vision, to one degree living solitary, baring a protective shell protecting what is fragile inside. Down the mountain I've tumbled, now faced with the decision to remain put or climb back to the top. Divulged in sadness, but passionate for change. Bruised and wounded, the scars will eventually fade. I'm eager to climb back to the top, and even more eager to venture to the side of the mountain I haven't yet explored.
Apparently, even the brave can lack courage. I believe that our primary responsibility should be to protect and to value the one life which we've been rewarded. Making bold choices and periodically backtracking to reroute and redefine are all just a part of the process. May happiness guide and may you be granted the strength to proceed along the path which you desire.
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