I think of all the people I’ve loved throughout my thirty one years. Those who’ve come and gone, those I’ve lost unimaginably too soon, those who reappeared when I least expected, and those who never came through when I needed them most. My personal evolution had never become more apparent, until the moment I had entered motherhood. I suddenly feel more aware…..of everything. Life has never been more hectic, yet at the core of my being, I feel a more serene calm than I have ever experienced before. Harvesting the fragile life of my young one has allowed my blind eyes to see again with twenty-twenty vision.
The value of time need not be overlooked. Balance has become my number one priority. Finding balance between my many endeavors, passions, and everyday life has been challenging. Fortunately, the loving assistance of my parents has allowed me to remain true to my commitments, all while accommodating my new life changes. However, my willingness to not squander my time has in many ways lowered my tolerance for all of which doesn’t deem pertinent to my growth.
Looking into Remington’s eyes and seeing my distorted image peering back makes me think back to my earliest memories. At five months old, he’s only just learning what it’s like to physically grip anything in sight. With a mind full of curiosity, his thoughts are limited to the few things and the people whom which are most familiar.
We begin our lives with a giant book full of blank pages. With every milestone, the bold black lines begin to map out a visual dialogue, telling of the many stories we once lived. The wealth of love, knowledge, and wisdom gained throughout the teachings and presence of our loved ones, past and present, provide coloring to these pages. Our experiences; the shading that brings depth and meaning to each image. Remington’s coloring book has just begun, and I’m thirty percent through mine. My pages over this past year have become brighter than the rainbow.
The holiday season is my annual reminder of what I’ve accomplished, what I’ve learned, and what I need to work on. It’s also the time which I begin working on setting new short and long term goals to work towards achieving in the coming year. Above all, it’s the time of year which I find myself reminiscing most about my childhood, mainly due to the many traditions my family carried throughout the course of my life. Now, with a newborn, and a new family of my own, I find myself longing to create new traditions that will leave a lasting appreciation for the memories which they’ll generate and leave behind, even far after I am gone.
Memories; they are irreplaceable. They are my history, they are my son’s future, they’re what binds me to my loved ones, my values and morals. They are life’s greatest gift, they are my everything.