My mind, like a whirlwind, spiraling a mere trillion miles per second, sucking up my thoughts and cycling them around like lawn furniture and debris. Drowning in self doubt, lacking confidence, and hating myself for it. My nerves sincerely have gotten the best of me, and I can't rest till my fifteen to thirty seconds are up, and until I am force fed another spoonful of rejection. Rejection. It's nothing new….. so why do I care sooo much this time?
This honestly has been weighing on my mind all week. I'd be lying if I said I don't want it. The opportunity would be incredible, the exposure, just what I need. The truth is…… I feel as if my time is nearing its expiration. My opportunity to take it all to the next level is fading as each day passes.
What I desire most is NOT fame, but to make it so that I can FINALLY repay my supporters who invested their beliefs in my ability. To make my family proud, to make my friends and fans smile in approval because they always believed that I'd make it.
I'm tired of the same routines. I want to be something more, I want sooo much more out of life. I am beginning to realize that I may never even get that chance to prove myself…..and it frightens me.
It's not even like my options are sooo bad. Worst case, I don't get accepted and I revert back to what I've worked sooo hard at accomplishing musically. I am happy doing what I'm doing, and music has brought me soooo many unbelievable opportunities and experiences. Monday I go to Florida to visit my sis, and tomorrow after the audition I get to spend time with my darling mother and father. None of these are bad options, so why does this stupid reality show weigh so heavy?
It's 1:21AM, Sunday, Feb 17th. I have 4 hours to sleep then embark on my journey. I hope you will keep positive for me seeing as I can't seem to do that for myself right now. I apologize for the depressing post, but I do feel better now for venting this.
This honestly has been weighing on my mind all week. I'd be lying if I said I don't want it. The opportunity would be incredible, the exposure, just what I need. The truth is…… I feel as if my time is nearing its expiration. My opportunity to take it all to the next level is fading as each day passes.
What I desire most is NOT fame, but to make it so that I can FINALLY repay my supporters who invested their beliefs in my ability. To make my family proud, to make my friends and fans smile in approval because they always believed that I'd make it.
I'm tired of the same routines. I want to be something more, I want sooo much more out of life. I am beginning to realize that I may never even get that chance to prove myself…..and it frightens me.
It's not even like my options are sooo bad. Worst case, I don't get accepted and I revert back to what I've worked sooo hard at accomplishing musically. I am happy doing what I'm doing, and music has brought me soooo many unbelievable opportunities and experiences. Monday I go to Florida to visit my sis, and tomorrow after the audition I get to spend time with my darling mother and father. None of these are bad options, so why does this stupid reality show weigh so heavy?
It's 1:21AM, Sunday, Feb 17th. I have 4 hours to sleep then embark on my journey. I hope you will keep positive for me seeing as I can't seem to do that for myself right now. I apologize for the depressing post, but I do feel better now for venting this.
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